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This year signifies a full decade since the term “disappearing” entered the mainstream. Initially, the idea that someone could abruptly cease contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the height of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a mate has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes pointless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by online jargon.

Gen Z, a generation who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated attack on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex landscape than their Gen Y forerunners could ever fathom. And so their dating lexicon has grown longer and more deranged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a detailed breakdown to the terms Zoomers is using to talk about love, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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A

Genuineness – For Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is presenting as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend inspired by a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s response is interested or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Seat theory – This refers to choosing someone who aids you proactively. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A outing where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do affordable romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 80s yuppie affluence, it describes pairs who choose against having children to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of being guarded: embracing dialogue, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Signals

• Danger signals – Behavioral quirks suggesting a potential partner is trouble. Examples include calling their exes crazy, subpar tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions affirm your choice to pursue a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe niche, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing builds closeness faster than having a nemesis).

G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and often mundane turnoffs that immediately extinguish any sense of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet gesture.

J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be numbered since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy realistic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {